Hey there, Ryders!
I know several of you have asked about Speechless, and it’s unfortunately been delayed.
This is a very dark book, touching on subjects close to my heart and past experiences. My own psychological state has been deteriorating since last fall due to some lifestyle changes. This January, I sought out the assistance of trained professionals.
Unfortunately, the first person I worked with was rather… not what I needed. They insisted on telling me I didn’t have prior diagnosed conditions, and put other conditions on me that I do not, in fact, have. This sent me on an emotional spiral, as I was told I have the same disorder as an abusive family member.
I wasn’t entirely satisfied, but wasn’t sure if I was in denial, or actually have bipolar (manic depressive) disorder. I went to a different location and had a full psych workup done, adding about three new diagnosis to the list 😅 Thankfully, I do not share the same disorder as the family member, which was a huge relief. They wanted to start medication, which I was on board with, as I was rapidly spiraling out of control.
Meds come with their own killer adjustment periods, lasting weeks. I’ve finally settled on basically only taking anxiety pills on an as-needed basis, as I’m very sensitive to most psychological drugs.
To any who may be concerned,I have not ever and hopefully never will self-harm. However, manic states are super stressful and exhausting when I can’t break myself out of them. One thing that’s impossible during these states?
Especially as the book’s themes are so dark, Blaise’s chapters are especially difficult for me to write. I have to be in a very steady, solid space for me to be vulnerable enough to convincingly write Blaise, to really bring her personality through despite her traumas.
As far as the writing itself goes, I’m outlined up through Chapter 36, and it’s still not complete! I have written up through Chapter 27, and my beta team is combing through it as we speak. We’re currently sitting at just under 60,000 words, so this book is also turning out to be longer than expected.
I’m not going to promise a new deadline, as the pandemic comes with its own set of struggles. But for those of my Ryders whose brains work like mine, I will say this: my desk is clean, my writing app is open, and all the procrastinating organization has been completed.
It’s go time ❤
PS: I have also managed to write a short featuring Grayson and Tobias, which I’m very much considering making canon. My betas are clamoring for them to get their own book, which wasn’t really the plan, but once I figure out how to distribute it to you all, that’ll be hitting inboxes here soon ❤
PSS: For those of you with Apple Music, I’d also love to share one of the albums I listen to while writing Speechless.